Rocky's Interview - Thoughts on the First Democratic Presidential Debate
Good evening! I see Rocky over there on one of his cat trees. Let's see if we can get him to answer a few questions about last night's Democratic Presidential Debate! Q: Hey Rocky, why won't you look at me? Are you sulking? A: Well, human, I am just showing my disapproval over you ignoring me for three hours! I want my fur brushed! You know I love that! Q: Oh, sorry. I got caught up in watching the debate. I promise I'll brush you if you'd answer a few questions... A: Mrow! Fine. I have things to say. Q: Early reports say Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders won the debate. What do you think? A: I'm unimpressed with both of them, but the answer is Hillary. She was as I expected: an experienced politician who was witty enough to avoid gaffes.
That doesn't mean I like her--at all. I am disturbed she won. You can shine her up all you want; she is still what she is. Cats are usually suckers for shiny things, but not when it comes to Hillary! Her position on gun control is too extreme. Excessive gun control laws don't keep criminals from having them! And how can she even mention trying to stop mass incarceration when private prison industries are raising money for her? Also, she claimed she "tried" to convince the banks not to foreclose on homes. There is no try! There is only do! Like the Bush family, the Clinton family is a bad dynasty which has presided over this country's decline. We need new courage from new leaders. And Bernie... oh, Bernie! Despite your good moments, you didn't listen to my tweet before the debate started! I said you must realize Hillary is not your friend! And you gave Hillary the gift of a lifetime by denouncing the attention given to her email scandal. Just shut up and let her handle her own mess! I'd have given you the victory if you hadn't helped her! Next up, socialism! Do you realize identifying as one is political suicide? Here is my logical viewpoint. I believe in capitalism with checks and balances. There. Easy. Later on, Bernie was noticeably tongue-tied searching for the right words on Putin and Syria. I could feel the hesitation in my fur, from the computer screen! On the positive side, I think Bernie is good on social issues. More politicians need to listen to him on those. Q: That's a segue into my next question: Do black lives matter or do all lives matter? A: HUMAN! You're trying to bait me. But I got you because I can answer it honestly. The answer to your question, given that politics has the ability to twist our English language, is: Black Lives Matter. For all those who gain strength from this--please, please use this concept for the power of good. We're counting on everyone to end racism. Don't mess with me, human! I studied the great philosopher Catfucius. Q: Ok, Rockfucius, do you feel like CNN did a good job moderating the debate? How about the questions? A: Keep in mind that I'm not a fan of these Elephant or Donkey debates. Why? Because I think it's too scripted, and the corporate media has their chosen candidates. The moderation was slightly better just because the silly racehorse question was eliminated. Sanders and Clinton got to talk more than the other three. Too much time was spent on the gun control issue. Like in the Elephant debate, most Donkey candidates were able to avoid the topic of human catnip. What you humans call marijuana is a bigger issue than politicians want to admit. As you know, this cat believes arresting humans for this plant is a crime in itself. Q: So Rocky, do you think anyone can challenge Clinton or Sanders? Biden? A: O'Malley, Chafee, and Webb will not gain enough popularity to challenge the Clinton-Sanders stranglehold. Biden needs to retire. Both parties lack a candidate that's the complete package; strong on social, economic, and foreign issues. Right now, the Donkey field has shown little to no business sense to back up their promises. And last, but not least... Jeb is more progressive than Hillary. Mrrowwerr! That's cat for... zing! Q: Thank you, Rocky. You will now have my undivided attention. A: Yeah right. Cammie is going to butt in! Your attention is always divided.