Animal Rights

Meow!! My Animal Rights Platform of 2016 is still purr-tinent today, so I have decided to keep it! It sits there for posterity underneath the handsome pic of myself.

On Day 1 of my Purr-esidency, the practice of declawing cats shall be irrevocably banned in the United States. For those who disagree with me, how about we play a game: imagine having all your fingers amputated at the first knuckle joint against your will. Get it now? I cannot stress this enough. If you think declawing a cat is okay, please don't adopt one.

I will also extend Eighth Amendment protections for other animal cruelty cases, such as the extreme abuse of livestock, or the cropping of a dog's ears.

Let's start with a simple question:


Are there any types of animals, besides humans of course, that could bring about Earth's destruction?


That being said, humans are clearly not taking their responsibility as head of the food chain very seriously. We cannot take care of our planet without a harmonious existence between humans and the rest of us. As a whole, they have improved their "animal awareness" in recent times, but it's not nearly enough! I hope to use my position as a purrlitician to influence policy as well as education in human-animal relations.


Animals have many purposes, including food! Tuna is food to me, and certain animals are food to humans! Livestock used as food must be raised and killed without suffering. Those who farm and hunt without suffering and wastefulness have my admiration. However, I have watched terrible videos of certain farms showing no respect for the animal which brings meals to the hungry and profits to their wallets. Examples of this include stuffing the still-living chickens and pigs in holding rooms or containers, crushing them. I have seen the disgusting methods that create "food" like foie gras. Actions like this will not be tolerated. Violators will get the extra-small jail cells. Humans hunted some animals to extinction or near-extinction, proving they are more stupid than the dodo bird!


Speaking of stupid--let's talk about de-clawing cats. I have written about this before, and the United States should be ashamed that it has not outlawed this mutilation of our paws. Other countries have. Here's an excerpt from my blog:


"As a cat, I'm obviously disturbed by the thought of losing my claws. I love my claws! Would you humans like to lose the top part of your fingers to the first knuckle? I don't think so! That's like ten amputations at once! It can lead to all sorts of problems for us cats, such as painful bone spurs, lameness, arthritis, biting, uncontrolled rage, and litter box avoidance. Those de-clawed cats often live a life filled with unnecessary physical and mental torture."


You humans are going to have to make a decision between a living creature that provides you love, comfort, and entertainment--and your fears of us damaging your precious furniture. Again, if you would think of de-clawing a cat, please don't own one. Under my Administration, de-clawing cats will irrevocably be banned in the United States, under penalty of law.


The same goes for the practice of "de-barking" a dog. What kind of country has a First Amendment about free speech and allows for dogs to be permanently silenced? Pet lovers know that their cats and dogs are not ornaments and must be trained to some degree. Dogs and cats are meant to be scratched behind the ears, played with, and cherished. Interact with them often. Talk to them. You are their family.


Another disturbing fate of pets is to see them separated from their humans because of a family re-location to a pet-unfriendly residence. I will organize a campaign to make pet owners aware of their rights to have therapy animals, which must be allowed by landlords. Again, this is a matter of positive ways to deal with the pet population vs. fear of pet-ential damage to property. Landlords who deny a good family the right own a pet contribute to the stray dog and cat population.


It is heartbreaking to think about the fate of refugee dogs and cats. Shelters do all they can, but they still end up euthanizing perfectly adoptable animals. It is estimated that 70 million refugee dogs and cats live in the United States. Every day, ten thousand stray dogs and cats are euthanized. Healthy and adoptable ones make up 90% of this statistic. Of all the animals that enter a shelter, 30% have been given up by their owners.


The humans who love animals know that these statistics are a result of human ignorance. The problem is so costly--$2 billion to taxpayers annually--and so institutionalized that it will take at least a generation to put a major dent in this tragic situation. We must create a world of better pet owners.


I have listed a few solutions for improving the human-animal relationship, and here are some others. As stated, we shall ban procedures that mutilate a dog or cat, which also includes unnecessary ear alterations. Campaigns will be organized to give the animal rights movement improved national appeal. It has become too bleeding heart without my feline influence! A simple truth, like "Animals Deserve Your Respect" is more effective than storming a restaurant that serves meat. And as much as I don't want to say this--I'd really like to forget that day at the vet--but please spay or neuter your pet unless you want a litter of responsibility. In the long term, we need to reduce the number of dog and cat refugees. We can do this by teaching our children to respect animals.


Kids should learn from an early age about animals, as part of my greater plan to have a more hands-on and relevant education curriculum for them. Pet studies will be included in the science curriculum. Even if kids aren't interested in having a dog or cat themselves, they will interact with us at someone else's home or on the street. Instead of making obscene profits on standardized testing, how about the Education Industry focus on creating a curriculum that fosters a love of animals?


As your purresident, I plan to achieve not only a renewed appreciation of animals but for life in general.